The Wal Mart Experience: Dine n Dash

Dear Wal Mart Shopper:  Hey all you busy Moms on the run! Don't feel like you have enough time to get everything done??  Wondering how you're gonna fit in  ball practice, homework, dinner, and grocery shopping all in one evening?? Well here's your solution!! Brought to you by a bonafide, Honest-to-God true Wal Mart Shopper herself, why not combine some of your to-do list? That's right, go through the drive thru at Little Caesar's Pizza, grab a Hot-N-Ready 3 Meat Combo, and dine on your meal while completing your grocery shopping! Nothing like chowing down on cheap pizza served right from the convenience of your Wal Mart Buggy! Grab that cheesy melty goodness right outta the box, and keep on truckin! Now, dinner is done when the shopping is done! WOW!!!
Okay, seriously??

The Wal Mart Experience: Get a Room!

 Dear Wal Mart Shopper:
I don't know what Wal Mart means to you. To me, it means a shopping trip where I can buy anything from charcoal and lighter fluid to make up to underwear, all at roll back pricing. It is a place to buy my groceries. I was not aware that some of you also consider it a place to consummate your relationship. Just in case you were wondering, the check out line is not a good place to make out. You are obviously the type who digs PDA, and I think maybe that the Wal Mart check out line would rank right up there on "Top 10 Most Public Places to Suck Face."  So, I guess, from your point of view, that was a totally awesome move on your part. But let me speak for everybody else: Not cool.

The Wal Mart Experience: Why are you Yelling??

Dear Wal Mart Shopper:
 Yeah, I know, we've all been there when somebody with 341 items in their cart gets in front of us in the express lane when all we're buying is a bag of Doritos & Capri Sun, but what good does yelling do? Do you realize how dumb you look, pacing back & forth at the front of the store, swinging your head like some half-crazed bull and spewing forth obscenities? Huh? Instead of showing your ass so foolishly, perhaps you should take a more passive-aggressive approach: curse them quietly to yourself, then go straight home and furiously type up a blog bemoaning all your wal mart shopping woes to anyone who cares to read it online. Just an idea.

The Wal Mart Experience: A Phenomenon That Has No Boundaries

Dear Wal Mart  Shopper:
 Is it necessary to wear camouflage clothing while shopping at large outdoors value stores?  Even though you're not at Wal Mart??  Does it carry over? Because  I was a little afraid they wouldn't let me in the door with regular clothes on. In fact, I was almost embarassed because I didn't meet the dress code. Foolishly, I wasn't aware that one had to dress in hunting gear to simply purchase hunting/fishing supplies. Why is that? Is it just in case an unsuspecting monster buck wanders out from behind that rack of North Face jackets? Or perhaps you accidentally flush a covey of quail from underneath a kayak? Or are you just trying to reassure yourself, as well as those around you, that you are, indeed, a Serious Hunter? Think on that one and get back to me.

The Wal Mart Experience: Jealous?

Dear Wal Mart Shopper: Look closely at what's in my cart. Yep, I scored the one-and-only never before seen cart with a built-in drink holder. Naturally I had to buy a soft drink to try it out, even though I wasn't thirsty. I have to give Sam Walton an A for passing down his mad marketing skills through the generations. To everyone else: eat your heart out.

The Wal Mart Experience: Like a Rhinestone Cowboy....

Dear Wal Mart Shopper: Hey there, cowboy, betcha didn't know you were gonna make my day when you got dressed this morning. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen maroon jeans? Have I ever seen maroon jeans? I know one thing for sure, you rocked out those jeans, along with your cowboy boots, personalized leather belt, and plaid shirt with mother-of-pearl snaps. You, sir, are what makes Wal Mart tolerable.

The Wal Mart Experience: Haute Couture?

Dear Wal Mart Shopper: A big thumbs up to you for strutting your stuff in your overalls and flip flops. I admire your self confidence & your creativity; I, for one, would have never thought to pair my Liberties with my Yellowbox, but hey, whatever works for ya, right?