The Wal Mart Experience: Parking Lot Syndrome, Part 1 (Review of Arrows)

Dear Wal mart Shopper:
 I'm about to toss some info out there I betcha didn't know: You know how the parking lot's laid out? With slanted parking slots & arrows? Yeah? Well, those arrows are what we call "directional", that is, the flow of traffic is to move in the direction in which the arrow is pointing. Those slanted parking spots work out so much better for the driver that follows the directional arrows. Also, these arrows are meant to be both universal & self-explanatory. That's why there is no fine print under each one explaining how the system works. My thoughts? If you are having trouble understanding the "Directional, Universal, Self-Explanatory Arrow System", your ability to operate a motor vehicle becomes extremely questionable. So do us all a favor and stay home.

The Wal Mart Experience: Part Deux

Dear Walmart Shopper:
Ever wondered why they got rid of the self-check outs in some of the stores? It wasn't because they were losing money, or the computers were malfunctioning. It was because of the people who let their 3 year olds attempt to scan all 277 items in their cart. The process, which takes long enough anyway, is further enhanced by the fit pitched by the 3 year old when he/she is unable to scan the item correctly, an attendant is called, and Mom takes the item away from the 3 year old. That times 277 takes a while. So, on behalf of the shopper behind you in line who has, say, only 4 items, maybe you shoulda thought that one through before you promised junior if he ate all his popcorn chicken from the deli he could scan your 277 items. And, just maybe, you might have thought about the fact that a jug of Sunny D is too heavy and akward for a 3 year old. That would have saved us all from being splashed with fake oj, and waiting on clean-up to get there.
Perhaps next time when junior expresses intrest in using a self-checkout, you could explain to him that just like having a mortgage, working at a rewarding career, or becoming president, self-checkout is a priveledge best enjoyed by adults. Just a couple of ideas to toss around before your next shopping trip, but hey, it's your kid.
Just think about it when he throws a tantrum because there ARE no self-checkouts, and remember why that is so.

Dear Wal Mart Shopper: Seriously??

Dear Wal mart shoppers:
 Is it really necessary to bring your whole extended family grocery shopping with you? Could we not just maybe pick a representative? Is it really necessary for said extended family (including pawpaw memaw & all 17 grandchildren, plus mama, daddy, and assorted cousins, etc.) to occupy the width of an entire aisle while not even shopping for a product, but having some sort of family discussion instead.  Is that a have-to? Hmmm? Or how about when you barge unchecked in front of another unsuspecting shopper with two of your children in tow, effectively blocking the aisle so that said shopper is unable to complete their perusal of the shelved items. This phenomenon is compounded by the fact that one of your children insists on having super duper grape-kiwi-strawberry fruit punch blast kool aid for this week, & the other one wants wacky wildberry blue watermelon twist. Is this a planned experience that makes your shopping trip more complete?
Also, just curious to know if your shopping extravaganza requires a dress code. In every sighting of these extended family groups, at least one member is wearing (a) tweety bird, (b) tinkerbell, (c) betty boop, (d) fleece pajama pants (either with a busy pattern or some sort of adjective printed across the seat), or (e) any combination of those items.
Have an answer for any of that? If so, I'd love to hear it. I'm just curious.

Welcome!! To the Most Passive-Agressive Shopper in the South!!

Well, here I am.  I have had many requests to start a blog. I don't know what I'm doing but here it is.  This is for all my colleagues, family, friends, aquaintances, etc. Here are my true heartfelt thoughts on Wal Mart and, in fact, all major retail chains.  Be patient, Facebook friends and followers, I am gonna get this party started with some oldies but goodies.