Miley Cyrus Eat Your Heart Out!!!

Hey there, sister....you look like you might be the tender age of 13, you're cute with your skinny jeans, sparkly eye shadow and long hair.  I know you're looking at every one of the male species you come across here in Wal Mart, but let me give you a little advice.  If you're looking for a boyfriend, you need to get out of the little-kid-race-car-cart-thing that your Mom is pushing.  Yeah, it's cute for 3-year-olds. And you and your little friends may be getting a few giggles off it, but for real honey, to guys it's not cute.  I mean, how many times have you seen Miley Cyrus cruising around in one of these?  But hey, at 13 in your skinny jeans and sparkly eyeshadow, if you're really NOT looking for guys who you think are cute, then knock yourself out.  

Homeland Security

Dear Wal Mart Shopper: 
Hey there, guy....I can see that you're a little angry...how do I know that?  Well it could be that you have a stuffed rattlesnake wrapped around the brim of your super-snazzy cowboy hat, complete in attack mode with its mouth wide open.  Or ir could be that you brought your militia in with you, whom to me look like two MeeMaws,. one with gray pigtails, and one with camo fatigues.  If you see any local threat to our national security, please let me know.  I'll be happy to do my part.